He kissed a someone with a penis
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
