We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
