Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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