Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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