a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
