Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
