Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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