Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Drake has all the answers
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
