return my video game
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
