i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
