you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
