i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You made out with two different species that night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
