Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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