the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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