I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
