I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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