I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
