Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
