I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize