how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
