i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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