real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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