Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
