Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
