everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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