Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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