My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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