well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
