please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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