What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
