you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
