I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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