ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
MIDGETS
????
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
