Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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