i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
