Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
