The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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