Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
