I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
