Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
