dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
