So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
