dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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