Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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