glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
