PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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