Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
