Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
