Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
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Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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