I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Mom said you looked used
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize