Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
