Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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