he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
