i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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