i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
