My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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