from now on my penis is your penis
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
