I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sext me about skeletons
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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