some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
