Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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