you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
