I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
