if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
