Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
