I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
