Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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